The question, “how to be nice in a safe way” is questionable in itself. If you tell a nice person that they should be careful being nice to others, that just sounds rude! It also seems judgmental on your part and therefore, it creates an unpleasant feeling for the other person. Although, we all know that our nice attitude gives us bad experiences from time to time, but we still we don’t like others to question our nature of being nice for some reason.
With that being said, let’s first discuss the most common problem a nice person might face.
When you are nice, you mostly try your best to make other people comfortable. And to make this happen, you are careful with your choice of words and every single action or reaction. However, unfortunately, this doesn’t work all the time. Sometimes, even a nice person might complain or express their anger for some reason. After all, they too are human!
Now, for a person who doesn’t try so much to be nice to others, none of this is a big deal. But for a nice person, it’s not acceptable. When you are nice, you can’t accept an uncomfortable situation because of two reasons. First, you don’t want someone else to question your character because being nice is your identity. As such, you try all the time to make sure that people around you are happy.
And secondly, you don’t like to say bad things in return to someone who is rude to you. You can see quite clearly that you are right and the other person is wrong but your nice attitude might not allow you to defend yourself clearly. Even though you might know but you still don’t want to hurt others.
Now, let’s try to talk about the solution. Different people and different situations require different solutions, but we have tried to generalize the topic.
You see, the problem gets easier to solve when you understand your attitude. You need to find out what kind of person you are. So, in general there are three kinds of nice people.
Nice by habit
Nice by habit means, you make yourself available for anybody who needs help. You might jump automatically in other people’s problems without even being asked. That’s because your mind is wired to help others. Not because you want something in return, but because that’s just who you are. That’s your personality. It’s in your nature to help others.
Nice on request
Nice on request means you are a nice person but you are only available when someone requests something from you. Your center of attention is mostly your stuff and your life matters. You might see that other people are facing problems but you probably believe that they can help themselves. However, if someone asks you for something, you are there to help them generously.
Nice by choice
Nice by choice means you know you are nice and you understand this part of you. Being nice is in your nature and you are aware of it. However, you can choose when, with whom and how much you want to be nice.
Now, we’ve got a clear picture to sort out the problem.
If you are a person who is nice by habit, you can learn a lot by looking at someone who is nice by choice.
First of all, that person knows when to be nice, which means he has a great sense of judgment. For example, you have probably heard flight safety instructions where they tell you to wear an oxygen mask yourself first before helping others. It doesn’t mean you are selfish but you will be in a better position to help others. Taking care of yourself and your life gives you more opportunity to help many people.
Secondly, that person also knows with whom he is supposed to be nice, which means he has a better understanding of different natures of people. Sometimes, you are supposed to avoid certain people not because you are rude but because you know you can’t comfort everyone.
Thirdly, you might also want to consider how much you want to shower your kindness over others.
Sometimes, you might need to say no to others when they expect you to say yes. Sometimes, you might need to express your unpleasant feelings just to inform others that you also don’t like certain things they do or say.
This might seem hard at the beginning but the more you practice being nice consciously, the more it will get easier for you to deal with different kinds of people.
