Why Do I Love Conflicts?
Hey, my name is Allen and I love conflicts. I love all sorts of conflicts whether it’s political, social, cultural, or religious.
Sounds strange, right?
We have been taught that avoiding conflict is in our best interest. Be nice and kind to others. Conflict hurts others and thus may make you feel bad too. You may lose friends and possibly increase your opponents.
That’s all true but it doesn’t apply to me.
Let me explain why.
Photo by SHVETS product from Paxels
First of all, let me make it clear that stirring up conflict is not my full-time job. I’m not a TV anchor or a politician. I’m a 40-year-old university teacher. My students call me a professor and sometimes a doctor, as I have a Ph.D. degree. I love research and I have hundreds of publications in the field of Chemistry. My academic background and busy schedule may make it even harder to believe that I can be a part of a heated debate in the first place. People working in scientific fields often have a hard time managing work and home life. Oh, by the way I got 3 kids, which makes me a full-time father and a loving husband. So, as a professor, father and husband you may be wondering why I love conflicts?
Well, I have the following genuine reasons.
It’s Relaxing…
I need to spit out what’s going on in my head. I know I’m a bit different just like most of you. I always have different opinions on all sorts of things. Things that I see in society mostly differ from what I have in my mind. So I feel it difficult to keep things in my head and process them alone. I have to bring the issue to the discussion table.
So, if you have a conflict in your mind it’s more relaxing to share it with someone.
It Corrects Me…
Conflicts correct me.
I believe I’m not always right. I may feel bad about certain things, not because they are wrong, but because I don’t like them. When I express my feelings about those things I always find people who actually love the way they are. For instance, I don’t like wearing a tie. I really don’t understand why someone would tie a tight knot around their neck. Well, occasionally it’s all right, but I’m talking about using it every day, unnecessarily.
So when I express these kinds of dislikes I hear other people talking positively about it and this makes me feel better, somehow. I understand that not all people are the same as me.
Now I don’t mind people wearing a tie all the time but I still don’t like it for myself.
It Increases My Understanding…
I’m curious to understand all sorts of things to its depth. Now, there are different ways to make things clear such as studying books, reading articles, and listening to people on the internet, but what can bring more understanding to a topic than a face-to-face discussion?
Our mind mostly sees things in one specific way, and when we open up a dialogue with another person we get a chance to understand the issue from a different perspective.
I strongly believe not all knowledge is printed and spoken yet. People are carrying a lot of knowledge in their heads. We can only access that when we discuss an issue with them.
It Works As A Catharsis…
Let’s admit that we all possess negative thoughts. When you get alone with your own mind there is a chance that you may stay with the same kind of thoughts all the time. If they are negative you may be in the loop without knowing it.
So dealing with conflicts can act as a catharsis. It freshens up the environment of the mind.
It Makes Me A Social Person…
My laboratory work is trying to make me into an introvert. That’s not bad either but I love being with people. My conflicting attitude pushes me to interact with as many people as much as possible. Many people know me, not because I’m a scientist or teacher, but because of my conflicting attitude.
Now let’s talk about things that I have learned over time.
I Have Learned Patience
When you disagree with other people, their view, belief, nature, or any wrong or right perception there is a chance of it backfiring. I have more authority because of my professional status. Most often people agree with me because I’m a university teacher but there was a time when I was a student. During that time, I had to learn patience and how to absorb other people’s opinions that conflicted with my own point of view.
It’s easy to talk but it’s very hard to listen to others, particularly when you disagree. But I have learned a lot by listening. Even if I believed that I was right I would still give them a chance to explain their side and try my best to understand. So listening to others has helped me learn patience. Plus, I get more clarity.
I Have Learned To Not Force My Opinion
We are all different and it’s therefore not strange to have different opinions, views, or perceptions. I have learned how to not change others. I can accept the way they are together with this belief that I’m also not wrong. I understand that it’s not easy to change another person’s mind.
So, now I don’t force my opinion on others and quite interestingly people are now more accepting than rejecting of mine. This attitude increased my confidence as more people began to listen to what I had to say when compared to before, they rejected anything I said.
I Have Learned To Not Win Argument
I’m good at arguments. I can win the argument and it doesn’t matter which side of the debate I choose. Now, I have the responsibility to use my skill of debate in the most appropriate way.
I’m aware of the fact that sometimes a person knows that they are wrong, but since they have already taken a firm stance of the opposing view, it’s not easy for them to agree with my side. During such a situation I’ve learned that it’s very important to deliver my opinion in the right way and then give them a chance to accept or reject it.
I have changed my mind dozens of times after a debate. That’s normal. But I feel it would be rude to be adamant in proving them wrong on the spot just because I want to win the argument.
Sometimes winning an argument is equal to losing a friend.
To Conclude:
I have learned over time that “To have a different opinion about anything is absolutely right.” This statement is not only true for you but also for anyone with whom you are going to debate. With that being said, I would also like to say that it’s better to disagree with a person’s opinion instead of being against the person. This attitude is hard to adopt when you love conflicts because you subconsciously enjoy winning a debate and seeing the other person lose. But if you succeed in giving up on winning and instead focus on the topic itself, you will create a whole new world of debate.
With this mentality you love to understand what others have to say and when you do that you get a chance to ask the right questions. The answer to that question will either help you give up on your opinion and accept the other person’s perspective, or it will force the other person to understand what you are trying to say.
In short, the only reason for conflicts or debate is to understand things better rather than winning or losing an argument. You will also meet people who haven’t learned this attitude yet. They will try their best to force you to play the game of winning and losing, but if you stick to your agenda of understanding things rather than winning, you already win the battle. The reward of this win is respect. You will be considered a big man. People like to talk to a big man because they want to feel respected too.
So, yes, these are a few things that make me love conflicts and debate.
Writter Note: Allen is a fictitious character, to understand, how to be a conflicting person in a good way.
Photo by SHVETS product from Paxels
