Why Do We Compare Ourselves With Others?
Once upon a time, there were two frogs living in a small underground water well. They had been living in it since the day they were born. As such, their whole world was just a few cubic meters of well water. One day, one of the two frogs was pulled up with a water bucket and was let go in a nearby lake. There, he got to experience a much bigger world than he could have imagined. He even got a chance to chill and relax with his fellow frogs in the lake. However, after a few days, he found his way back to the well and secured his old place.
image from pixabay
Even though the frog came back to his first home, his world had already been changed forever. Now, he just couldn’t enjoy living in that small well. Not because he was missing the big beautiful lake, but because he knew there were other frogs out there that were enjoying a much better life compared to him. It didn’t matter to him that his friend was living peacefully in that same well. His eyes were set on the others he had seen in that lake.
Naturally, he wanted to climb over the walls of the well every day to reach that lake again. However, his friend was still enjoying the same waters as before.
This is just a story and nobody knows how frogs think. But it’s a good story to understand how comparison can affect your peace of mind.
Are we human disturb our peace of mind just like this frog? We will try to understand this by discussing the different aspects of comparison from a human perspective.
When Is It Okay To Compare?
There are many scenarios where one might want to compare themselves to the others. The first scenario is usually when you achieve something spectacular. For instance, when a student achieves the highest grade among 30 other students of the class, or when a farmer gets a maximum yield of crops, they would obviously want to compare their results with others. In such cases, they are proud of themselves and their achievements.
Now, you might ask, is it bad to be proud of yourself? Certainly not!
In the above cases, the purpose of comparison was to feel pride in one’s work and this can be a great motivator to achieve one’s dreams and desires. You can say that it is more of a positive type of comparison because your focus is on making yourself better instead of putting others down.
When Is It Wrong Compare?
In the above example, we considered the viewpoint of those who achieved something great. Now, let’s consider the viewpoint of those who tried and failed, and how comparison can harm them.
Let’s say you are a student who got low grades, or you are a farmer who got much less yield than expected. During times like these, comparing yourself to others who are more successful will send you to a really dark place. You will start questioning yourself, your abilities, your destiny, and everything else. You may even think that there is no use in trying again because you might fail again. If, however, you hadn’t compared yourself to others, you might have diverted your focus on how you can improve. This could have led to better results in the future.
Also, in the 21st century, we are all aware that the whole world has basically become like a small community. Thanks to the internet, you are aware of what other people are doing at all times. Although this has created more benefits for mankind, it has also come at a cost. It has almost become a trend where people are always comparing themselves to others whom they consider to be happier and most successful than them. Social media is the number one driver of such comparisons. Research studies have shown that this often leads to depression and grave dissatisfaction for one’s life. Again, such comparisons are meaningless because other people’s lives aren’t as perfect as you imagine. They have their own problems and stuff to deal with too!
One other scenario where it is completely pointless to compare yourself to others is when the comparison is for things you can’t change. This includes things like your skin color, country of birth, appearance, language, and so on. It is increasingly being seen that instead of embracing their natural qualities, people are wishing to change them. This is because they compare themselves to others who they think have better qualities than them. They fail to understand that there are certain things that can’t be changed, no matter how hard you try. And when it comes to natural traits, you shouldn’t even try to change them because they are a part of who you are. They are a part of your authenticity!
In all of the above scenarios, comparison leads to terrible results because you feel inferior to others. It seems as though we are all programmed to think that we are in some sort of competition where we have to be the best at everything and every time. That is simply not the case. Every person has something unique to bring to the table and any sense of competition only exists only in our heads.
How Can We Compare and Still Not Feel Inferior?
The quickest and easiest way of happiness and satisfaction is gratitude. Gratitude seems hard but if you look around you will realize that you are sharing this globe with 8 billion fellow humans out of which most have fewer resources than you. Does it mean they have no right to smile or stay happy? Surely Not!
You can stay happy with fewer resources by comparing your life with those who have less or equal resources to what you have. If you ever feel bad about your life, go and spend some time with homeless people and listen to their problems. You will return home feeling thankful. Take some flowers and go to a hospital and stay with the patients for a while. Listen to their pain and you will return home feeling relieved about your own pain. Serve food to strangers who are hungry, stay with them and listen to their predicament. You will realize how thankful they are just by eating food one time a day.
So, it’s a good idea to practice gratitude every single day of your life. Start writing a journal and mention all the things you are thankful to have in your life. Go over all the things and people whom you value and wouldn’t want to lose. You will be surprised to know that you have a lot of blessings in your life. You will finally realize that feeling inferior is pointless because you already have so much.
To Conclude
Your life is your own story. When you try to make your life someone else’s story, you will create problems. The world makes you forget that you are a unique individual with your own dreams, hopes, aspirations, and abilities. You have your inner potential and a particular way of doing things. You have to remind yourself of this fact. Who is to say that your set of attributes are inferior to the others? Who is to make that decision. The fact is, no one has the right to compare two people and say that one is better than the other. That’s because it will literally be like comparing apples and oranges. The very act of comparison is senseless in that regard!
So, just focus on what you want to achieve, try to make yourself better every day, and if you have to compare yourself to anyone, do it with yourself! That way, you will keep becoming a better version of yourself, and you will increase the likelihood of becoming successful. This is what it takes to live a fulfilled and happy life. It’s not as hard as we make it out to be!
